Saying Goodbye……..blessing or curse?

I believe this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to put in writing.  I have had the experience of holding a loved one in my arms as he took his last breath. Now I am faced with saying farewell to a younger brother who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I have a hard time believing that there is a healing God. I do respect those of you who have the faith that gives you the strength to get you through the times of deep sorrow and the pain that goes along with it. The thought that praying for forgiveness will bring about some sense of peace is foreign to me. My brother has proclaimed that he has lived his life walking hand in hand with Jesus and I commend him for his beliefs.  The question that is uppermost in my mind is “Why is he being punished?” The religious among us would say it is not a punishment, but a blessing to be called to God’s side. As I watched my husband draw his last painful breath after 3 months of agony, I was not convinced that he was blessed. 

This post may never get published, either because I choose to delete it before it gets that far or because our publisher thinks it is not appropriate content for our blog. I will leave that up to her.


About DohNa

I enjoy curling up with a good book, I write poetry from the heart, I am passionate about gardening, I am an avid golfer and I love riding on the back of my husband's Harley-Davidson.
This entry was posted in Feelings, Reflections & Personal Perspectives. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Saying Goodbye……..blessing or curse?

  1. prichie says:

    That is a beautiful post, DohNa. Thank you for putting into words the way I am feeling as well. I, too, am having a very difficult time dealing with the devastating news of losing a brother one and a half years older. It is not right. Each of us will find our own way of “accepting” this reality. I, for one, will focus on my own belief that he will enter into the Kingdom of God to face Daddy with open arms. If this helps me sleep at night and live the rest of my life with a more peaceful heart, it is what I need to do. I do not see this as a blessing either, other than believing that our brother will experience the most restful, pain-free relief when he closes his eyes for the last time.

  2. Bridgette says:

    Hard stuff, girls.
    Some of us (me) have been lucky enough not to have much death insert its tentacles into our lives. So far.

    As callous as it is, “Dying is a part of life”. Religion is little comfort to those who don’t believe or who are left behind, I think. Something like this will shake the strongest of believers to their core.

    I wish that I had faith on one hand, it would be lovely and comforting to know that no matter what, we are loved and cared for and protected.

    In this instance, I hope that the faith that has imbedded itself into some of the family helps them. The rest of us need to have faith in the fact that we are not alone, we are loved, and that life has some hard learned lessons that are terribly terribly unfair.

    No good can come of this … but … (as a novice to such hardships for the most part) … I try to hold on to happy memories and thoughts and hold those who may need a hug, if they will let me.

    I hope that this offends no one … I can’t imagine how difficult this is for the Sunflower Girls. Hang on, hold on, love deep, even it it hurts. 😦

  3. Audie Jean says:

    Have no worries, DohNa. This blog is a place where we must express our own truth as we see it, even when it is difficult to do so (as I imagine it was for you.) Even if I disagreed, I certainly would not censor your comments!
    It just so happens, though, that I share your confusion and questions and even anger. The situation is way beyond our control, and like it or not, I believe we have only one choice: to live and let live/die.
    I’m on my way to say what is most likely my last goodbye to our dear brother. It would be nice if I could share a prayer with him. However, since I cannot do so without being a hypocrite, I will simply embrace him, and tell him again how much I love him and will miss him. I will also send loving vibes that he can tuck away in some precious corner of his heart.
    The bottom line is that, no matter how much comfort we can offer and accept, we each must deal with our faith/grief/death in our own way.

  4. cthylou says:

    You girls have expressed the way we all feel , I do believe Bruce is with his and our loving father and creator, I believe he is with Daddy and they are watching over us every day, it is hard however to try and understand what our heavenly Father has planned for us but must believe it is all worked out and that we will all meet one day in the glory of Heaven. So many of our close friends have gone on before us in the last 2 months, including our beloved brother Bruce, and as hard as it is to understand we must believe they are in a better place.
    That is all I can say right now.

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