I believe this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to put in writing. I have had the experience of holding a loved one in my arms as he took his last breath. Now I am faced with saying farewell to a younger brother who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have a hard time believing that there is a healing God. I do respect those of you who have the faith that gives you the strength to get you through the times of deep sorrow and the pain that goes along with it. The thought that praying for forgiveness will bring about some sense of peace is foreign to me. My brother has proclaimed that he has lived his life walking hand in hand with Jesus and I commend him for his beliefs. The question that is uppermost in my mind is “Why is he being punished?” The religious among us would say it is not a punishment, but a blessing to be called to God’s side. As I watched my husband draw his last painful breath after 3 months of agony, I was not convinced that he was blessed.
This post may never get published, either because I choose to delete it before it gets that far or because our publisher thinks it is not appropriate content for our blog. I will leave that up to her.